Journey to the North (Part 6) - Ashes

A novice monk travels with his tutor, a master sculptor, to visit the stone Buddhas of north China. He is tormented by a vivid dream of an idyllic rural life outside the monastery, and is tempted to leave.  (Part 6) With Master Shi now dead, Tian packs his bags ready to depart, and waits for Dai's final decision.

Incense sticks, Wutaishan (Photo: M. Griffiths)

A story in 6 parts.

 

Your feedback would be greatly appreciated to improve this story. Thanks!

 

Read Journey to the North (Part 1) - Dust here.
Read Journey to the North (Part 2) - Gold here.
Read Journey to the North (Part 3) - Stone here.
Read Journey to the North (Part 4) - Wood here.
Read Journey to the North (Part 5) - Jewels, here.

Journey to the North

 

Part 6
 

Ashes
 

The body of Master Shi lay in the centre of the room. Around him a dozen monks sat chanting in unison. The bass drone filled the room with vibrations. Tian sat before Master Shi and chanted, his rosary held in his hands. He had been in the room for nearly two days since his death. He refused all suggestions for food and rest until he almost collapsed with exhaustion. Several monks carried him to another room to sleep.

A few hours later he returned and resumed the chanting to complete the three days of prayers until the soul had departed his master’s body. Tian told himself he would remain for every hour possible to ensure his master ‘s passage to the Buddha’s Pure Land in his next life was smooth. And, he had to admit, to assuage his own guilt. Behind the repetitive murmur of the monks in the room and his own ever moving lips was a sense that there was something more he could have or should have done. Or should not have done. Perhaps his thoughts of a different life had somehow contributed to his master’s ill health. Perhaps he would be punished in his next life for even considering such things. He thrust the thoughts of leaving the monastery and eloping with the beautiful Dai out of his mind until everything was subsumed by the chants, numbing tiredness and the pungent incense.

When the third day was over monks removed Master Shi’s body to prepare it for cremation. Tian sat in his room and packed all the plans of the many stone Buddha statues they had visited into his bag along with his few possessions. Then he worked on completing the little wooden statue he had promised Dai. Half convinced that the quality of his work would persuade to accompany him, half aware that to even ask such a question of her was unreasonable, and in the eyes of his former master, unforgiveable.

That night he slept heavily and awoke surprised. He could not remember dreaming at all. Where was his dream of the house in the country? Had the dream departed now that is was so close to coming true?

He attended morning prayers and then slipped the completed little wooden statue into a small bag and strode to the bottom of the steps up the hill.

He saw Dai walking across the cobbles slowly towards the steps, still with a slight limp in her gait. She kept her eyes down and began to climb the stairs holding the rail for support as she went. Tian waited half a minute then began to follow her. Eventually he drew abreast on the opposite side the steps. He looked ahead and behind to make sure no one was within earshot.

“Good morning sister. Your ankle is better.”

“Good morning brother. Yes. Thank you. Much better.” She stole a quick glance at him. “I have not seen you for several days. Is everything all right?”

Tian shook his head. “My master passed away. I have been chanting for him.”

Dao nodded.

Tian reached into his bag. “I have something for you.” She looked behind them.  And momentarily stepped closer. Tian handed her the wooden caving he had made. “It is the bodhisattva Guanyin.”

Dai looked it over. “You are skilled brother, I can see that. I should never have doubted you.”

Tian smiled. Dai focussed on the face of the carving. “Something looks different though.”

Tian nodded. “I changed it slightly. Her face is yours. At least a little.”

Dai’s cheeks coloured. She continued to climb the steps. “My abbess was released from custody yesterday. The jewels have not been found but there is no evidence that she or any of our group had anything to do with it.” She paused and let go a deep breath. “We will leave for the south east tomorrow.”

“Then we must go early tomorrow.” Tian whispered.

“How can we travel together?”

“You can dress as a monk. I will get you some clothes.”

Dai’s face twisted. “I…I am not sure brother.”

Tian bit his lip. “I believe we can have a good life together.”

Dai stopped climbing. “I think I should not go any further today. My ankle is still a little sore. I will spend today in meditation and I will meet you at dawn tomorrow on the bridge.”

Tian looked at her, his brow creased.

Dai pressed her hands together in front of her. “I will be there, I promise.” She bowed her head and began to walk down. Tian watched her go, then continued to the temple at the top.

Later in the morning Master Shi was cremated and in the afternoon a monk came to him with an urn. “Here are your master’s ashes to return to your monastery.”

Tian accept the small urn with both hands and nodded in silence. It felt heavy in his grasp. He put it down and started at it before walking out to a temple to chant until dusk. In his mind three paths lay before him. South west to Sichuan and back to the monastery. South to Donglin Temple to complete his training as his master had instructed and then return to the monastery to build the giant Buddha. Or another path, perhaps north and then west at first so he and Dai could avoid detection, then home to build his dream of a farm in the country.

He went to bed early but slept little. He rose early in the morning and filed through the darkness to the temple with dozens of other monks.

He emerged as a pale grey light began to creep into the edges of the sky, returned to his room, picked up his bags and walked slowly out of the building toward the bridge. He crossed the gentle arch of stone slowly and stopped in the centre. His eyes cast around in the dim light for Dai but there was no sign of her. Small dots of light showed in the windows of the shadowy buildings around him.

Would she come? She had said she would meet him but a dull ache in his stomach nagged at him. Did she mean to come with him? And if she didn’t? What good was a dream with no-one else in it? A life alone was not much of a life. Surely Buddha would not wish to deprive him of family yet again. First his parents, then his master. Finally he had found a person of his own choosing. But he knew that life made no such guarantees. ‘All was suffering,’ the Buddha said.

He heard a sound on the cobbles and turned to look. “Brother?” Dai walked slowly up the bridge carrying a bag over her shoulder.

His heart leapt into his throat. “You came.”

She smiled. “Good morning brother.” She stopped in front of him.

Her features were soft in the half light, her eyes dark shadows. She was more beautiful than ever. He thanked the darkness for hiding the flush of heat in his face. He fought his urge to hold her, focused on his breath and then smiled.

“Are you ready to go?”

She paused and then shook her head. His expression froze, the smile dying slowly as he tried to comprehend her gesture.

He recited the name of Buddha in his mind to calm his racing thoughts. Please let this be just a small delay.

She took a breath. “Brother, we are both dedicated to achieving nirvana in our own ways. We cannot change that. You know the saying: ‘A broken mirror never reflects again; fallen flowers never go back to the old branches.’ We would be foolish to think we can leave our communities and create some promised land of our own.”

Tian’s face fell. He tried to speak but his throat was dry and his voice refused to obey his command.

She lifted an object from her bag. “I have something for you.”

Dai held out her hands holding a cloth bundle. Tian took it and glanced at her before he slowly unwrapped the cloth. Inside lay the wooden statue of Guanyin he had given her the day before. In her abdomen lay a ruby red stone. The stone glinted in the first rays of the sunrise that crept over the mountains behind her. “We cannot escape our fate brother. We can only do what we are called to do and trust that we and others will benefit from our efforts.”

Tian tried to speak but his throat was dry and his voice refused to obey his command. His head buzzed with confusion. He tried to retain the dream just ripped from his grasp, but he couldn’t find a way to hold on to the remaining fragments that danced in his mind. Then another dark passed over, was his plan merely a delusion now cruelly, but necessarily, exposed to the light of day.

Dai placed her hands on his. “Safe travels, wherever your path takes you. You should know that you have helped me in my journey brother. I thank you for that. Remember to leave me here. Don’t carry me with you.” She smiled. “Keep planting trees and making sculptures. May Guanyin protect you …”she glanced down at the statue, “and provide for you always.” She leaned forward and kissed him softly on the cheek. It was the briefest touch and yet his skin burned. She let go his hands and took several steps back.

The sun broke over the ridge behind her and blinded him. He looked away then angled his head to look at her once more. In the bright orange glow she seemed to float on the bridge in a shimmering ball of light. She raised one hand in a wave. He looked away, his eyes full of leaping stars. He blinked and lifted his head once more to look back over the bridge. She was gone.

Tian closed his eyes again to dispel the lights still flashing in his vision. The sun’s glow warmed his face. He recited the name of the Buddha and counted off the prayer beads in his hand. Finally he opened his eyes, adjusted the bags on his shoulders, shuffled off the bridge and turned south.

****

Your feedback would be greatly appreciated to improve this story. Thanks!

Read  Journey to the North (Part 1) - Dust, here.
Read  Journey to the North (Part 2) - Gold, here.
Read  Journey to the North (Part 3) - Stone, here.
Read  Journey to the North (Part 4) - Wood, here.
Read  Journey to the North (Part 5) - Jewels, here.

Come back for more next week.

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